Film Production Class

Okay, so like, I'm not a filmmaker, okay? I am a nerd who watches movies and TV and writes about them. I like being on other people's sets, but I hate running my own. I'm too much of a control freak, and I can't control everything on a shoot, and I just get frustrated and then I get bored and I don't care anymore. Here's a dirty little secret for those of you with Hollywood stars in your eyes. Making movies is one of the most tedious things you can do with your day. Even when you love it, it's tedious. I do not love it. So it is tediouser.

I had all these designs to hire a crack crew to make my film, and I tried, but I was multiply foiled. Everyone was booked up, so I could only get a few people to help (but those few people were total troupers, I must say). I did hire a Director of Photography, but the poor guy had knee surgery and ended up in the hospital with complications. I couldn't get anyone else to shoot this thing (I even tried bribery and some other highly inappropriate offers to friends of friends), so I had to DP it myself. Last job in the world I wanted. I also had no gaffer. Know what else I hate doing? Gaffing. But gaff I did. Needless to say, my movie looks like shit.

So then we had to show dailies in class today, which I think is totally lame, because I only shot one day...so there's only one day from which to even have "dailies." All my footage was already shot, and I have to hand off the camera, so what was I going to change anyway? So, we spent an excruciating half hour talking about why my footage sucks. And I'm all, look, I know it sucks, okay? I'm not a moron. I know it sucks, and I know WHY it sucks. Can we move on?

But no, we had to agonize over why I'm a failure. Hello, YOU'RE the ones who made me take this cockamamie class! And then you made me fight to get into it because you didn't reserve enough spots, and I can't graduate without it. It's a good idea in theory, and it could totally be great, but this class is the biggest clusterfuck I've ever seen. You think my movie sucks? You are correct. This isn't what I do okay?

I'm the last person who should be handed a multi-thousand dollar HD camera.

Can I just get this done and you can give me the pass and we can never speak of this again?

Wellpoint Prescription Coverage and Inept Pharmacy Technicians

First they raise my copay. Then they say they never raised my copay, but that my prescription is no longer on the formulary. Then they say, wait, it was never on the formulary, we totally raised your copay. Then they say, wait, fuck, it's neither of those...we don't know what the fuck is up, but you owe us $40 a month. Oh wait, totally kidding...if your doctor just writes "Do Not Substitute," we'll let you have it for $25. JUST KIDDING GIMME YO MUNNEH. STAB.

THEN they say, so you can totally get three months' worth at a time cuz we're chill like that. La dee da, Molly strolling along with her three month supply...BAM. SURPRISE! We decided you can only have a month at a time now. And you have to take it exactly once a month. Which means you have to come get it the day before you have to take it. Exactly. Don't plan on being out of town or busy on that day cuz you'll be fucked.

PHARMACY TECHNICIAN: They'll only pay for a month at a time.

MOLLY: Uhhh bitch please. Gimme my 3 months.

TECH: No surriously, it says right here.

MOLLY: Well your little slip of paper is wrong.

TECH: But...that's what the computer says.

MOLLY: Your computer is misinformed.

TECH: Well...but...the computer...

MOLLY: Fuck your computer! Gimme a three-pack!

TECH: Sorry no. Also your one month will be $40.

MOLLY: ARRRRGGGG I thought we figured this shit out!

TECH: I dunno dude, but I'm not gonna call cuz I'm a lazy bum. Okay fine I'll call.

******10 minutes later*******

TECH: They say they only cover one month at a time.

MOLLY: Umm hello did they change this like today? Ask them when this change happened

******10 minutes later******

TECH: They only cover one month at a time.

MOLLY: OMG...that...that IS NOT AN ANSWER and I will stab you in your sleep kthxbai.

TTMMS

Wooooot new blog! Will probably be abandoned in 12.7 seconds. Shrug. Welcome to the inaugural post! Have a canape.